A Thousand Years Away

 So I found this quote today on the IG of one of my favorite people (whom I've never met) from the IG of another person that I also love but also one I've never met:

"Try this with me. Imagine we are 1000 years into the future, standing beside our Father. There is a new heaven and a new earth. We are living in eternity…and there is a tiny little speck in front of us that represents our earthly lives. What really mattered to us back then? The Kingdom of Heaven was fast approaching…How did we spend our short time? What sorts of worries and stresses occupied our minds? How did we advance the gospel to the ends of the earth?" (@bysarahkim)

Okay, I'm going to type fast because my boys will be getting up from their nap at any moment.  When I read this, it was like a ton of bricks right smack dab in the face....shocking and a little painful.  As I wrote in previous posts, it's be a rougher time around here lately but it's also been an amazing time of learning and healing.  I have ridden the train of haters of social media and all that its brought to our society (yada yada), but I have to admit that through it, God has introduced me to some pretty authentic women.  Women who wouldn't know me if I ran into them at the supermarket and gave them a huge hug, (which I will absolutely do if I ever run into one of them at the supermarket....or Target, I guess.)  Women who have openly spoken about battles of discontent, busyness, complaining, personal struggles like loss and anorexia and drug addiction, and all kinds of craziness that God took and wrote unimaginable stories with.

I took a step back and looked at my day thus far after reading this quote and it was a little bit of a sting to my attitude.  Let me back up and say that lately, my attitude has not been so great.  I wake up in the morning telling myself that nothing is going to steal my joy and then at the first sign of something not going according to MY plans (um, hello life?) I turn into someone who very much resembles the Grinch.  (I don't get green and hairy but it gets close).  What pieces of life are going to stand out in a thousand years?  I'll be gone from this earth.  So will my sons.  And their children and so one.  What will have mattered?  What will be remembered?  What will be passed down?  Chains?  Wisdom?  Grace?

As I continue to receive my attitude adjustment from the Lord and watch Grace, Mercy, and Joy unspeakable raise in my life, the more I see the unimportant, silly stuff going on, and the differences that I need to allow in my life despite what "so and so" is doing.

Well, short and sweet and the end of nap time.  I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and that you survived Black Friday.  Have a warm, happy weekend!

When You Didn't Get Sparkles in Life

So today is a special day.  It marks one year of life for my two sons and 365 of the craziest, roller coaster days of my life.  Throughout this year, I felt like I would mark this day with balloons and cake and two groomed, finely dressed boys who came to me with big hugs saying, "thank you for giving us life, Mom".  (Okay a little dramatic but you get it).

I woke up this morning to one boy covered in his own vomit along with his bed and pillow.  The other boy had yellow snot coming from his nose and neither of them were happy about it.  (Sorry about the icky words but what else can I say?) :)  It continued with nearly no naps, no one wanting to eat their baby food and several screaming tantrums that could only be calmed by holding both 20+ pound boys in front of a window looking for birdies.  Even as I type, one son just woke up crying yet again even though they're both fed and changed and should be settled down for a good night's sleep.

I won't lie, today was a tougher day than most.  And it certainly was not what I would like to mark a first birthday with.  But a scripture came to mind to me in the midst of it all that I couldn't help but share in case anyone else has had a less than perfect Wednesday or week for that matter.

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."

That's Deuteronomy 31:6.  While I realize that He wasn't necessarily saying not to panic before your children, that's exactly what I was doing today.  I had more need than my arms could hold and to be honest, it wasn't a panic that could be fixed by extra physical arms or people.  It was a panic in my heart that the enemy loves throwing out that says "look at all of this!  You really think you can take on all of this?"  And while my flesh wants to admit NO!  My spirit reminds me that I can't because I'm not supposed to.  That God didn't make my arms big enough or my patience long enough because He has to be needed.  He thrives in my weakness because He loves showing me what an amazing and loving Father He is.  And today was one of those days where I needed some loving Daddy arms around me and my boys.

This picture shows my current environment.  My home is a wreck.  My kitchen is messy.  We have to travel to see family tomorrow.  But for now I get to sit on my kitchen floor beneath the glow of my wreath, drink hot chamomile tea, eat burnt popcorn, and think about how nothing in our Lord's life was glamorous or shiny while He was on this earth.  It was hot and dusty and sometimes hungry and thirsty, but a strong faith can grow in those kinds of conditions if it's allowed to.  So to those who are looking for the glitter and confetti and balloons, make sure you don't miss that beauty in the mess and remember that even in those really hard days, you always have Him in prayer, and He is faithful to work good to those who love Him and are called unto His Purpose.

Have a great Thanksgiving!  Eat a lot, show kindness to someone, and love on your family.....then maybe eat some more.

It's a Monday

Today has definitely been a Monday.  You know....not just a day of the week, but THAT day of the week.

I've been somewhat transparent in the past but I must admit with complete transparency that I have found myself in one of my most vulnerable positions that I can remember just because of those around me.  It's not an uncommon thing to hit rough patches in a spiritual realm.  When we allow life to run ahead, make decisions for us, dictate what we do, God and His plans can be put on the sidelines by us....the very ones that they were created to help.  But nowadays when my spiritual walk hits a rough patch, it doesn't just effect me.  It effects this guy that I'm married to and share a home with as well as two little (almost) one year olds who call me Momma.  It's not like when I was in my early years in college and I felt like I was stumbling through life looking for a way to find me.  Nope, now I suffer from it as well as others because as my husband likes to say, "we are not physical beings having a temporary spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a temporary physical experience."  And while I don't always like it when he reminds me of that, I can't deny the truth of it.  So at this point, I'm pretty much stripping my soul bare and allowing God to do some serious soul scrubbing with His Word and the help of some honest truth from the ladies over at She Reads Truth.

I wasn't planning on posting this publicly but I realize that I'm not the only one that feels this way today and I also realize that today may not have been the greatest Monday for a few others out there too.  And another thing, isolation is like rot to the soul.  I am so much more likely to sit in a corner, light a flickering candle and call it a healing process instead of seeking out others to come along side me and share the process, the soul scrubbing, and the growth that God completely wants to give.

So as I walk this bumpy trail, I hope you'll come along.  If not I'll have Jesus keeping me company but I am a firm believer in "the more the merrier".

So to kick this off, here are my first three vulnerable truths for today:

• I have been raised in church my entire life, listened to the stories in Sunday school, graduated from youth group and became a sponsor myself, led others in a salvation prayer, and still at this moment in time, I feel a gap between me and the Lord.  I think sometimes it's us "seasoned" believers who have always had God just right there, and we often allow Him to slip away instead of intentionally working and feeding that relationship.
• That gap isn't exclusive to my relationship with God.  No sirree....it reaches into marriage, family, friendships, ministry, all areas of life.  It's not joke nor anything to take lightly.
• I am stripping my history with the Lord bare and starting from the beginning.  I'm making zero assumptions and going to Him with palms open and heart hungry, believing that He is faithful to fill hungry hearts and thirsty souls.

So here's to crummy Mondays but hopeful Tuesdays, second days, honest, intentional soul scrubbings, and road trips with the Lord through His Word.  Anyone wanna come along?