When You Didn't Get Sparkles in Life

So today is a special day.  It marks one year of life for my two sons and 365 of the craziest, roller coaster days of my life.  Throughout this year, I felt like I would mark this day with balloons and cake and two groomed, finely dressed boys who came to me with big hugs saying, "thank you for giving us life, Mom".  (Okay a little dramatic but you get it).

I woke up this morning to one boy covered in his own vomit along with his bed and pillow.  The other boy had yellow snot coming from his nose and neither of them were happy about it.  (Sorry about the icky words but what else can I say?) :)  It continued with nearly no naps, no one wanting to eat their baby food and several screaming tantrums that could only be calmed by holding both 20+ pound boys in front of a window looking for birdies.  Even as I type, one son just woke up crying yet again even though they're both fed and changed and should be settled down for a good night's sleep.

I won't lie, today was a tougher day than most.  And it certainly was not what I would like to mark a first birthday with.  But a scripture came to mind to me in the midst of it all that I couldn't help but share in case anyone else has had a less than perfect Wednesday or week for that matter.

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."

That's Deuteronomy 31:6.  While I realize that He wasn't necessarily saying not to panic before your children, that's exactly what I was doing today.  I had more need than my arms could hold and to be honest, it wasn't a panic that could be fixed by extra physical arms or people.  It was a panic in my heart that the enemy loves throwing out that says "look at all of this!  You really think you can take on all of this?"  And while my flesh wants to admit NO!  My spirit reminds me that I can't because I'm not supposed to.  That God didn't make my arms big enough or my patience long enough because He has to be needed.  He thrives in my weakness because He loves showing me what an amazing and loving Father He is.  And today was one of those days where I needed some loving Daddy arms around me and my boys.

This picture shows my current environment.  My home is a wreck.  My kitchen is messy.  We have to travel to see family tomorrow.  But for now I get to sit on my kitchen floor beneath the glow of my wreath, drink hot chamomile tea, eat burnt popcorn, and think about how nothing in our Lord's life was glamorous or shiny while He was on this earth.  It was hot and dusty and sometimes hungry and thirsty, but a strong faith can grow in those kinds of conditions if it's allowed to.  So to those who are looking for the glitter and confetti and balloons, make sure you don't miss that beauty in the mess and remember that even in those really hard days, you always have Him in prayer, and He is faithful to work good to those who love Him and are called unto His Purpose.

Have a great Thanksgiving!  Eat a lot, show kindness to someone, and love on your family.....then maybe eat some more.